Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Sickness and such...



The booger is sick; and when I say sick I mean strep and an ear infection.  It has not been pretty at our house lately.  She is medicated and is on the mend but her decongestant and I are about to go to war.  Unfortunately my child is in the small percentage of those children who instead of being put to sleep by antihistamines she gets wired.  Thank you doctor.  For the past five nights McKenna has chosen to sleep in about thirty minute stretches sometimes fifteen and occasionally we get an hour.  When I say we, I mean McKenna and I, just to be clear. My wonderful mother-in-law took McKenna today so I could get some sleep and thanks to that I am starting to return to the human race.  Do not worry I have forged a plan of attack against the decongestant and I am hoping tonight will be much better for McKenna and myself.  All of this has not slowed the booger down very much, she still goes about 90 miles a minute and has now discovered new areas of our house thanks to her crawling capability.  I was quite comfortable with her thinking that the living room was the only fun room in our house, but those days are long gone.  I am beginning to think my child has a high pain tolerance when she chooses to.  When she started getting sick I thought it was allergies.  We live in pine pollen country, and everyone suffers during this season.  McKenna had watery eyes and a runny nose.  That was it.  No fever, no rash, no cough, no congestion, just runny nose and watery eyes.  That being said I thought it was no big deal that she was around other children, and a baby seeing as how it just had to be allergies.  The only reason I took her to the doctor was that she was not sleeping well at night and the allergies were not getting better with the baby Claritin I was giving her.  So imagine my reaction when the doctor told me it was strep and an ear infection. Great, not only had my baby had to suffer for about three days but I had allowed her to possibly contaminate other children.  I'm up for Mom of the Year.  So for future reference a baby can have strep without a fever, without a rash, without congestion, and without a cough.  A friend of mine had a similar experience and her child's only symptom was bad breathe, McKenna did not have that one either.  Of course after her diagnosis she then got all of the symptoms except fever and bad breathe.  Oh well at least she is feeling better.  
       On a lighter note McKenna is growing in leaps and bounds. It is amazing how she changes day to day.  Sometimes the way she looks at me it is like she is just waiting on me to understand what she is trying to tell me.  I love that she tries to communicate, except of course when her choice of communication is grunting angrily and screaming!  We are working on that attitude :)  It also amazes me how I see traces of others in her personality and her looks.  There is a picture on my wall of my mother when she was little and McKenna favors her in that picture so much.  McKenna also makes all of her dad's expressions, sometimes I get a look from her and it just screams Jeff Troyer.  Then there is that fiery personality, that determination to have her way, a strong dedication to whatever task she working on, and a stubborn streak that will run you ragged, in all of this I see my brother Clint.  There is also that way that she marches to the beat of her own drum and does things in her own time, in this I see her cousin Bailey. I will have to remember to thank Clint and Bailey when I am at my wits end with my child.  I am looking forward to seeing more people show up in her as she grows up.  I hope I see her Great-Grandmother Gaston (who she is named after) show up in her in the way that mamaw always wants to take care of everybody, and doesn't know how to be selfish.  I hope I see her Great Great Granddaddy Bryant show up in her in the way that he was as generous as the day is long and would rather lose money himself than to cheat anybody. I hope I see her Great Grandpa Sommers, (whom I never met, wish I had), who I heard loved people and never met a stranger. I hope I see her Great Grandpa Troyer in the way that he was strong and steadfast in his faith and did what was right and followed God's leading even though there were struggles.  I hope I see so many people from the past and many people from the present show up in her in different ways.  It is comforting to know that while death may take people that we love from us, we will not only see them in heaven, but we can have glimpses of them in our children. 


 
Here are some glimpses of McKenna in all her glory:
loves helping with the laundry, by putting her toys in the basket.

As if to say, "I did not eat a cookie!"

Uncle Clint giving her chocolate, forever endearing him in her heart.

I believe they are plotting against me.                                    












Trying to understand the craziness of her aunt Lisa! (This is a Jeff look by the way, I have seen Jeff look at Lisa the same way)

Oh gotta love the booger!!!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Finding Our Way

McKenna is finding her way more and more everyday and I am enjoying playing roles in her story; sometimes I am the bystander, other times the cheerleader, then the referee, often the warden and then of course comforter. But most of all I am mommy.

    As the bystander I literally stand by and watch.  I see her process things, and witness her determination time and time again.  She can be so persistent, a quality that I think will serve her well as she grows up but seems to be her downfall these days.  I love watching her hold something new or touch something for the first time.  We took her up to the new barn that the camp has built the other day and let her play in the sawdust (don't worry moms horses had not been in there yet so it was clean sawdust).  She was amazed! She crinkled her little toes around it and smiled so big.  Then she of course dug in with her hands grabbing it; and thankfully not going for her mouth which was a miracle.  She seemed to just want to feel it and experience it.  I could not help but be a little jealous, I couldn't remember the last time I had experienced such joy with something so simple as sawdust. You have to love that about children, the innocent discovery of their world.  Everyday really and truly holds something new for them to discover.  Unfortunately, not all discoveries are good things and that is where persistence can get McKenna in trouble.  She recently discovered Jeff's phone, my journal, and the t.v. remote all things that are off limits to little hands and drooly mouths.  She goes after these things like a rabid dog, frothing at the mouth and everything (okay the froth is really just left over milk and drool but it can be quite scary).  We have started popping hands and saying no, and our child seems to comprehend because when we say no she now bursts into tears but don't let that fool you she is not giving up.  We have gone round and round even moving the objects way out of her path but when we turn our heads she then crawls after them.  We move them higher and she pulls herself up to get to them.  Now some of you may think she is too young, (she is six months old) to understand all of this.  Let me then tell you about our ordeal tonight:  I was writing in my journal which will actually be hers one day and she was playing on the floor.  I was sitting in the floor and she crawled over to me and grabbed my journal, I being the responsible adult took it out of her mouth and said no no.  She looks at me and cries.  I stand firm, repeat no one more time, then move her to the other side of the room and then go back to my side of the room and continue writing.  Next thing I know she is back on my side sitting at my feet staring at my journal.  She reaches for it but does not touch it so I say no again a little more forcefully, she once again responds by crying. I then move her again and go back to writing.  Then I look up and she is on the other side of me again staring at the journal.  This time I choose to continue writing but I move the journal farther away from her.  She then crawls over my leg and grabs the journal.  This time I pop her hand (barley flip it with my fingers) and say no.  She again cries this time with a little more passion.  I close the journal giving up all hope of ever writing in it again and try to get her interested in some toy.  I have now moved the journal far out of her reach but that will not deter my child I watch as she crawls to get close to it, I say McKenna Ruth NO.  She turns into a pile of mush crying with tears streaming down her face, but, she does not touch the journal.  She stops crying, looks at the journal again (quite longingly), I say no mam, she cries again but a little less and finally comes crawling back over to me to play with a plastic coat hanger.  So she knows what no means she just doesn't like it, but who really likes being told no.  Persistence, something I will encourage her to have in some things and beg her to give up in others.

      Being McKenna's cheerleader is one of my favorite roles.  I love encouraging her and cheering her on as she attempts new obstacles and learns new things.  As you know she now crawls and pulls herself up, she is absolutely fearless when it comes to those things. No ground goes undiscovered in our house or any house that she is welcomed into.  She is constantly testing everything around her to see if she can pull up on it.  So far we have had success with the couch, the loveseat, a babydoll bed, her crib, coffee table, mom and dad's legs.  We have not had success with the rocking chair (it rocks and hits her in the head), the carseat (same thing) memaw and babaw's reclining sofa, and her play gym (it's just not strong enough).  We are not allowed but have attempted the bathtub, changing table (while sitting on top of it), and other peoples hair (she will use anything she can get her paws on!).  I look forward to cheering and encouraging her in the future as she attempts new feats.

               Being a referee is not as much fun.  Sometimes McKenna just needs a break and most of the time she fights it.  My lovely little girl can just play and play and play and before you know it you have a very tired very fussy young lady.  At this point it is always good for the referee to jump in and call time out before the little tiger works her way into a frenzy.  For example today during church McKenna was playing with some of her toys on the pew.  Now my child is pretty familiar with these toys because they are the same toys we take to her aunt Twila's everyday when we workout.  Well another little girl on the pew decided to play with the toys too, which is completely fine.  Well, it was completely fine with me but apparently not McKenna.  McKenna reached to grab the toys out of the other little girl's hands and when I pulled McKenna back she decided to shriek at me and at the other little girl.  Shrieking that was not subsiding.  So referee mom took shrieking McKenna to the nursery for a time out where she almost immediately fell asleep. I am hoping she was shrieking due to tiredness and not an unwillingness to share, that is a battle I choose to fight another day.  

                Then there is warden mommy.  This is no fun and neither one of us like this role, but it is necessary.  Sometimes things have to be taken away, and rules have to be enforced.  I believe that anywhere you find love you will find discipline.  This was the topic of our Sunday school class discussion today.  We talked about how God disciplines us because he loves us. The same holds true in parenting.  No one wants to raise a child who cannot function in the world because they do not know the meaning of the word no.  Nor do we want our child to be harmed due to our lack of discipline.  If I could I would wrap McKenna in bubble wrap everyday before she gets out of her crib.  I want to protect her from everything that I can, and while I know that there will be things I cannot protect her from there are a lot of things that I can simply by telling her no and helping her deal with it.  Hebrews 12:11 talks about how painful discipline can be at the time but how it harvests righteousness and peace.  Who does not want that for their children.  God wants it for us.  So I think I have to look at the warden mommy role as the because I love you role.  Maybe that is what I will say when McKenna looks at me and asks why I have grounded her for life; instead of the lesser true version "This hurts me more than it hurts you" (did our parents really think we believed that, please).


              I enjoy the role of comforter.  I am shamelessly thrilled that my child wants me when she is hurt or upset.  I do not know why it makes my heart swell with joy that she has picked me as comforter but it does.  Maybe I just love that feeling of being needed.  My child NEEDS me and I want to always be there for her.  Right now it is not that hard to be there, we are pretty inseparable.  I generally handle situations where she has bumped her head or other body part that needs immediate attention, kisses, and lots of hugging.  I'm actually not looking forward to when the comforting gets harder, like when she gets picked on at school, or gets picked last for kickball, or gets called names.  Those have me shaking in my boots a little.   Then when she gets to high school and life just gets harder, I'm not looking forward to that either. Like if she doesn't make some team she has worked really hard for, or she has body image issues, or if she just plain hates school those are not easy problems to help solve.  Of course then I have college to look forward to.  The boyfriend of two years breaks up with her and she is just broken and lost, or she stays stressed about graduating and picking a career for herself, or she forgets what she believes in and struggles through hard trials, these problems are not for the faint of heart nor or they easily comforted.  Maybe I will just call my mom and ask her to remind me what she did. 


                Mommyhood is this amazing journey that I have just begun, it is not always easy even now, but it is this wonderful role that God created for me.  To put it simply I love it.  


And to her fans here she is McKenna pics:


She loves chewing on her wocket.....and her daddy.

Hitting the road.

I believe she was a little stunned by this picture:)



Sunday, March 13, 2011

Remembering to be Thankful

I am a person who values her sleep.  I need to sleep, I love sleep, lets be honest other people need me to sleep.  The world is a better place if I have been able to sleep through the night.  I am sure all of the moms out there are chuckling now because as a mom sleep becomes the long lost friend.  For me, I bade farewell to sleep on September 11, 2010. Since that glorious day sleep and I have had a rocky relationship.  My child is a beautiful and precious gift from God, and I am in no way regretting her birth or existence just to be clear.  Now that being said, my child led the attack on my sleep.  She was even a little sneaky about it.  When my wonderful and amazing mom stayed with us right after McKenna was born I did not notice as much that my sleep was under attack because I was able to nap through the day, I believe this was all part of my little angel's plan.  She was great and actually slept feeding to feeding so that was three hour stretches! Yay Go McKenna!  Mom and I both felt that I had an easy baby.  Then mom left.  I was almost  immediately thrown to the wolves or in my case wolf.  I say almost because my great mother-in-law and sister-in-law both came multiple days to help me with the house stuff and let me get some naps in.  McKenna had us all fooled.  At about two weeks old my child snapped.  She no longer slept feeding to feeding; she preferred about thirty minute stretches with screaming and eating in between. This was her pattern for quite some time, about two months or so.  Now don't worry she liked to give me some false hope at times.  One stormy night Jeff and I decided that she would sleep in her bouncy seat in our room due to Tornado warnings. In our bedroom we have a tin roof, the rest of the house is shingles; this information is just so you can see the importance of the roof. So all night McKenna would be listening to the ballad of the rain.  I expected her to be worse than usual but this was not so.  She slept from about 11pm to 6:30 or 7 the next morning!  I was amazed and immediately told Jeff that we must make it rain every night and put tin over her room.  Jeff came up with a more realistic plan and rigged up a sound system in her crib that played a thunderstorm.  I thought this was a brilliant plan and went to sleep that night convinced that I was going to get a wonderful nights sleep.  About thirty minutes into my false assurance  I awoke to the sound of my child crying..... through a thunderstorm.  I wish you all could have seen the look of devastation on my face when my dreams of sleep came crashing down.  I dragged myself out of bed and went to my child totally expecting to see a smile on her face and a gotcha look.  But I saw tears.  She was just as unhappy as I was. At this point I believe I began to learn a lesson.
 My child was very very fussy for the first three months of her life, it may have been colic, it may have been tummy troubles, or it could just be that she was finding her way in the world.  Whatever it was I was constantly trying to fix her.  I worried about her, I stressed about her, I researched her (babies in general read every book there is to read), I tried to schedule her, I tried just about anything to make her better.  Then at three months she started getting better.  I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with me.  It was just her time.   It was then that I realized that through that time I had completely forgotten that I had so much to be thankful for: 
 McKenna was healthy, yes she cried a lot but the doctor said she was healthy and the child was not hurting in the weight department.  My baby loved to take a bath, had no fear of water and sometimes that is what I did to calm her down, how great was it that I had that tool.  My child ate and did it well, she never fussed about eating and took a bottle just fine.  My child would sleep in the car (except when she was freezing:(  we could almost always count on that getting us some silence from the cries.  All of these things were amazing things to be thankful for and yet I had become consumed with fixing her.  I had forgotten to be thankful. It can be so easy to focus on the problem or what I think needs fixing instead of treasuring the things that God has blessed me with. I have to choose to treasure and not to fix!




On a side note:  McKenna now sleeps through the night, has a schedule, and only cries when hurt, tired, or faced with injustices (like getting things taken away from her grabby hands or told no).  


Don't believe her I was never fussy.        
Mckenna tell the truth                                
Okay, maybe a little fussy:)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Mobile McKenna

McKenna has gone mobile, thats right she is now crawling and I am in trouble.  Already with her new found skill she managed to find two plastic baggies and then proceeded to put them in her mouth.  I must say, though that this skill while opening up new messes is much better than her previously learned skill of applying poop to my carpet.  So tonight I post pictures in honor of the booger and her latest achievement.  Enjoy the Booger:



Bright eyes
Here she goes!
Taking a break
Yummy!
Her Jeff look, "Like what is the purpose of this?"
 

Monday, March 7, 2011

Mommyhood

          I think a lot about being a mom these days.... what it means to be a mom, how to be a better mom, and my favorite:  Am I a good enough mom?  As parents I know we make mistakes, my husband and I have made our share already.  When McKenna was just about two months old we decided to go out to eat and of course we would be taking the booger with us.  Well about five minutes into the drive McKenna started crying.  Now this was not a big surprise, she was a notoriously fussy baby, thank the good Lord she outgrew that, but this time she did not stop.  We live out in the middle of nowhere and it takes thirty minutes to get to town, she cried the whole way without ceasing.  Nothing worked.  She usually would fall asleep in the car but not this time.  We decided to stop at Wal Mart to get gas drops thinking it was her stomach that was upset and I had left the drops we had at home.  Well Jeff gets out of the car and opens her door to check on her and when he touches her he realizes she is freezing!  We live in MS so it is hot here and usually still warm even in November and it was this day.  So of course we had the air conditioner on full blast and did not realize that the vent above the baby was completely open.  We were turning her into a babycicle!  I was mortified!  We immediately covered her back up with the blanket that she had kicked off then I got in the backseat with her and put her pacifier in and rubbed her little frozen cheek.  We also of course turned the air off and she went right to sleep, she slept through dinner and all the way home.  As for me and Jeff we felt horrible and did not even turn the air conditioner on when we drove home.  We decided to just sweat it out.  In that moment I felt like a pretty lousy mommy, but as I get more motherly experience under my belt I am realizing that unfortunately that will not be my only mistake, or probably not my worse one.  That being said two weeks later we drove all the way to church and realized when we got there that although McKenna was in her carseat she was not buckled in.  Wonderful.  It is days like that in which I wonder if she will ever survive her childhood.  As a mom I think you do the very best you can and you are ever conscious that it may not be good enough but you never stop trying.  I taught high school English for three years when I lived in TN and loved it.  But even with teaching I was constantly questioning my ability as a teacher.  It was then that a veteran teacher took me aside and told me that as long as I kept asking myself if I was a good enough teacher and kept trying to be better then I was a good teacher.  It is when you stop asking and caring if you are doing a good enough job that it is time to worry.  I think that can be applied to mommyhood.  God himself ordained that the best person on Earth to be McKenna's mom was me.  Humbling, Amazing, and all part of this mystery.


 The Survivor:
 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Mystery...

 Life is a mystery...... I have heard many, many, people say this throughout my whole life; but I had never really applied it to my own life.  Until of course I grew up and realized that even when things were going the way I thought they should the mystery was still there.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring, heck who knows what today has brought? Parts of the mystery, I believe, are revealed over time.  For example the mystery of who I was going to marry has been answered and I have a wonderful Godly husband, Jeff.  I am very thankful that he is a part of my mystery and now we are building a mystery together and some parts are coming in focus.  We live in small town MS where we have the opportunity to be a part of children's ministry every summer and through our church we are part of a college and career ministry.  God has blessed both of us in allowing us to work and live in a Christian environment that we love.  Last year our family of two became three with the arrival of our daughter McKenna Ruth Troyer on September 11, 2010.  She has and continues to be such an amazing part of our mystery.  She is now almost 6 months old and I live in constant amazement of her changes and fiery spirit. McKenna almost has crawling down and is trying everyday to grow up as fast as she can. I'm just praying that I remember to treasure the time I have with her while she is still small, instead of losing my patience with her desire to run before she can walk.  Now on to this blog, I do not know if anyone will ever read it, besides me, my husband, and probably my mom.  But this is really just for me.  I wanted to be able to just write out whatever was on mind, while also sharing lessons I am learning, and my family's mystery as it unfolds.  I also thought this would be a good place to post craft ideas since I am in love with crafts and really just wish I had the time to do more. Who knows where this will go but I know that I will not limit it to any one thing. Below is a picture of my daughter, Mckenna Ruth or as we like to call her:  Booger!