Mommyhood

          I think a lot about being a mom these days.... what it means to be a mom, how to be a better mom, and my favorite:  Am I a good enough mom?  As parents I know we make mistakes, my husband and I have made our share already.  When McKenna was just about two months old we decided to go out to eat and of course we would be taking the booger with us.  Well about five minutes into the drive McKenna started crying.  Now this was not a big surprise, she was a notoriously fussy baby, thank the good Lord she outgrew that, but this time she did not stop.  We live out in the middle of nowhere and it takes thirty minutes to get to town, she cried the whole way without ceasing.  Nothing worked.  She usually would fall asleep in the car but not this time.  We decided to stop at Wal Mart to get gas drops thinking it was her stomach that was upset and I had left the drops we had at home.  Well Jeff gets out of the car and opens her door to check on her and when he touches her he realizes she is freezing!  We live in MS so it is hot here and usually still warm even in November and it was this day.  So of course we had the air conditioner on full blast and did not realize that the vent above the baby was completely open.  We were turning her into a babycicle!  I was mortified!  We immediately covered her back up with the blanket that she had kicked off then I got in the backseat with her and put her pacifier in and rubbed her little frozen cheek.  We also of course turned the air off and she went right to sleep, she slept through dinner and all the way home.  As for me and Jeff we felt horrible and did not even turn the air conditioner on when we drove home.  We decided to just sweat it out.  In that moment I felt like a pretty lousy mommy, but as I get more motherly experience under my belt I am realizing that unfortunately that will not be my only mistake, or probably not my worse one.  That being said two weeks later we drove all the way to church and realized when we got there that although McKenna was in her carseat she was not buckled in.  Wonderful.  It is days like that in which I wonder if she will ever survive her childhood.  As a mom I think you do the very best you can and you are ever conscious that it may not be good enough but you never stop trying.  I taught high school English for three years when I lived in TN and loved it.  But even with teaching I was constantly questioning my ability as a teacher.  It was then that a veteran teacher took me aside and told me that as long as I kept asking myself if I was a good enough teacher and kept trying to be better then I was a good teacher.  It is when you stop asking and caring if you are doing a good enough job that it is time to worry.  I think that can be applied to mommyhood.  God himself ordained that the best person on Earth to be McKenna's mom was me.  Humbling, Amazing, and all part of this mystery.


 The Survivor:

 

The Mystery...

 Life is a mystery...... I have heard many, many, people say this throughout my whole life; but I had never really applied it to my own life.  Until of course I grew up and realized that even when things were going the way I thought they should the mystery was still there.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring, heck who knows what today has brought? Parts of the mystery, I believe, are revealed over time.  For example the mystery of who I was going to marry has been answered and I have a wonderful Godly husband, Jeff.  I am very thankful that he is a part of my mystery and now we are building a mystery together and some parts are coming in focus.  We live in small town MS where we have the opportunity to be a part of children's ministry every summer and through our church we are part of a college and career ministry.  God has blessed both of us in allowing us to work and live in a Christian environment that we love.  Last year our family of two became three with the arrival of our daughter McKenna Ruth Troyer on September 11, 2010.  She has and continues to be such an amazing part of our mystery.  She is now almost 6 months old and I live in constant amazement of her changes and fiery spirit. McKenna almost has crawling down and is trying everyday to grow up as fast as she can. I'm just praying that I remember to treasure the time I have with her while she is still small, instead of losing my patience with her desire to run before she can walk.  Now on to this blog, I do not know if anyone will ever read it, besides me, my husband, and probably my mom.  But this is really just for me.  I wanted to be able to just write out whatever was on mind, while also sharing lessons I am learning, and my family's mystery as it unfolds.  I also thought this would be a good place to post craft ideas since I am in love with crafts and really just wish I had the time to do more. Who knows where this will go but I know that I will not limit it to any one thing. Below is a picture of my daughter, Mckenna Ruth or as we like to call her:  Booger!