Mommyhood

          I think a lot about being a mom these days.... what it means to be a mom, how to be a better mom, and my favorite:  Am I a good enough mom?  As parents I know we make mistakes, my husband and I have made our share already.  When McKenna was just about two months old we decided to go out to eat and of course we would be taking the booger with us.  Well about five minutes into the drive McKenna started crying.  Now this was not a big surprise, she was a notoriously fussy baby, thank the good Lord she outgrew that, but this time she did not stop.  We live out in the middle of nowhere and it takes thirty minutes to get to town, she cried the whole way without ceasing.  Nothing worked.  She usually would fall asleep in the car but not this time.  We decided to stop at Wal Mart to get gas drops thinking it was her stomach that was upset and I had left the drops we had at home.  Well Jeff gets out of the car and opens her door to check on her and when he touches her he realizes she is freezing!  We live in MS so it is hot here and usually still warm even in November and it was this day.  So of course we had the air conditioner on full blast and did not realize that the vent above the baby was completely open.  We were turning her into a babycicle!  I was mortified!  We immediately covered her back up with the blanket that she had kicked off then I got in the backseat with her and put her pacifier in and rubbed her little frozen cheek.  We also of course turned the air off and she went right to sleep, she slept through dinner and all the way home.  As for me and Jeff we felt horrible and did not even turn the air conditioner on when we drove home.  We decided to just sweat it out.  In that moment I felt like a pretty lousy mommy, but as I get more motherly experience under my belt I am realizing that unfortunately that will not be my only mistake, or probably not my worse one.  That being said two weeks later we drove all the way to church and realized when we got there that although McKenna was in her carseat she was not buckled in.  Wonderful.  It is days like that in which I wonder if she will ever survive her childhood.  As a mom I think you do the very best you can and you are ever conscious that it may not be good enough but you never stop trying.  I taught high school English for three years when I lived in TN and loved it.  But even with teaching I was constantly questioning my ability as a teacher.  It was then that a veteran teacher took me aside and told me that as long as I kept asking myself if I was a good enough teacher and kept trying to be better then I was a good teacher.  It is when you stop asking and caring if you are doing a good enough job that it is time to worry.  I think that can be applied to mommyhood.  God himself ordained that the best person on Earth to be McKenna's mom was me.  Humbling, Amazing, and all part of this mystery.


 The Survivor: