Life just keeps flying by.....

I know it has been forever since I have written, but life seems to be going at maximum speed and I am just holding on for the ride.  Little Booger, or should I say Big Booger, is just growing and growing!! She now walks, has three and a half teeth, and says ma ma, up, and uh oh.  She is constantly amazing us with her escape skills and Macgyver like abilities.  Just so we are clear I blame Jeff for those skills that she has developed:)  Along with her new abilities new attitudes have also developed, she now gets mad at her passy, and pretty much wants what she wants and wants it now.  We are working on this, and trying not to laugh in front of her.  Mommyhood is such a joy right now during this stage.  I love watching her change and grow and discover this new world around her.  There is also of course some sadness along the way as she becomes to "big" for certain things or no longer enjoys some things that used to delight her.  I'm guessing that the rest of her life will be like that for me, times of joy and times of sadness, but oh what fun it is.  Here are a few of her latest antics that make us shake our heads:

The Toilet Paper Escapde:

 The other morning I was putting on my makeup and had McKenna in the bathroom with me.  She usually just sits there, plays with her toys and waits on me to get finished, not so much this time.  I see her crawl out of the bathroom but I can watch her in the mirror so I am not overly concerned, I can hear her cooing and figure she has found something to entertain herself.  Don't worry she did.  When I finish I walk in to our bedroom and there is my precious child with every roll of toilet paper out of the plastic (and we buy in bulk so it was a lot)  and several rolls unraveled and she is working on eating the one currently in her little hands. I got as much out of her mouth as I could but some showed up in her diaper later.  It was a sight and while I thought, great I get to clean this up, all I could do at the moment was laugh.  She thought it was funny as well and joined me with her little giggle.  The next day she did the same thing with the tea bags that were in their little box, she figured out how to get into my pantry and the teabags were just her height.  I guess we are going through a take everything out of its container stage, wonder if I will still be laughing in a few weeks.


The dishwasher


The dishwasher has become McKenna's fiercest enemy.  She is just drawn to this contraption and no amount of no's and hand smacks seem to deter her.  I had just unloaded the dishwasher one night and was starting to re-load.  McKenna of course was in the floor, ever observant watching this process.  She goes to touch the machine and I immediately use my teacher voice and issue a strong NO.  She backs off looking very wounded, pouty face and all.  I turn my back and when I look back at her she is now standing up with her hands in the dishwasher.  This time her hand is smacked and another no is reinforced.  Of course this time there are tears, pouty face, shaking her hand, and her world has apparently ended.  But she quickly stops crying as I pretend to turn around, while still watching her.  She doesn't even hesitate she goes for it again!  A stern no, another hand smack, and being moved out of the kitchen, sends her into major tears and you would have thought I had thrown her out of the kitchen.  But now I think my problem is solved, I go about my business, checking every once in a while to make sure she is playing with her toys and has managed to get over this abuse that she has been subjected to.  Then I get busy, washing some dishes up loading the dishwasher on and off and just getting my kitchen in order.  Then I go to put my last item in the dishwasher and what do I find, McKenna sitting  on the dishwasher door leaning in getting food off of plates with her hands. Nice, glad my parenting is working.  The night did not end well for McKenna and we both went to bed with hard feelings I think.


She can be hardheaded, stubborn, delightful, crazy, and amazing, but one thing is for sure she is McKenna Ruth Troyer our daughter that we would not trade for anything, not even a new dishwasher.  

McKenna and Mommy at Aunt Lisa's Wedding.  She is thrilled can't you tell?

McKenna and Daddy at aunt Lisa's wedding.

McKenna with her cousin Bailey at her kindergarten graduation.

Sacrifice

Today we celebrate the fact that the ultimate sacrifice was answered with ultimate Grace.  Today, we remember that an empty tomb announced that death was conquerable.  Today, we celebrate that the Lord we worship is in fact alive. 


We as Christians are unique in that the God we serve is alive and has conquered death.  Today is a day of celebration, however, today my heart has been heavy with the thought of the sacrifice.  I should have been cheerful and full of joy to be able to celebrate the resurrection of my Lord.  But, instead my mind has been on the sacrifice of the father, you know the part that comes before the miraculous risen savior, the part that brings tears to the eyes, the part I can't handle seeing replayed in movies or on television, or even in plays.  The sacrifice.  

I'm familiar with the word and act of sacrifice, I mean geez I'm a mom, what mom does not know what sacrifice is.  We sacrifice warm food because we feed our children first and our food gets cold, we sacrifice sleep (ahh sleep) in order to be there for our babies, we sacrifice our bodies (stretch marks that no lotion can make go away), we sacrifice our health, fearlessly going into flu infested bathrooms and bedrooms to comfort our sick children, we sacrifice time, giving up hobbies or interests so that we can drive our kids to soccer practice.  As mothers we put our kids' needs before our own, that's what we do, we are moms.  And if you asked anyone of us if we would sacrifice our very life for our child, of course we would and not even bat an eye.  But if we were asked to give our child as a sacrifice, you would be hard pressed to find a woman who would not go down fighting to save or spare her child. 

So when contemplating the sacrifice made, I don't always picture the man, now I often picture the little boy.  The one with a mommy who wiped his runny nose, and kissed his skinned knees. The little boy who delighted his mommy with his first word, first smile, and first steps (just like Mckenna delights me).  The little boy with two fathers, both who loved him deeply and taught him how to walk in their footsteps one day.  The little boy who with tears in his eyes asked his daddy that if it be thy will let this cup pass from me.

And I contemplate the mother, who brought him into this world knowing that while he was her little boy, he was also a savior. The mother who had to know in her heart that one day a sacrifice would be made. 

I also contemplate the fathers.  One who walked with him and taught him how to be a carpenter, and loved him as his own.  The other who knew when it all began how it would end and loved us so much that he still went through with it.

Finally I contemplate the boy who became a man and sacrificed everything for me. A man who has made it possible for my child "to face uncertain days because he lives". It is hard for me to wrap my mind around that sacrifice and that love.  It is an unearthly love the father has for us, that I am sure of and thankful for.  


Some pictures of Miss McKenna aka The Booger on this beautiful Easter Sunday:

Her bow was about the size of her head! I loved it!

Where is McKenna? I can't see her through the flower!

She is a little unsure of the grass, bless her:)

This is her, "my bow injured me look"  right after she snapped her head with it:(

Sickness and such...

The booger is sick; and when I say sick I mean strep and an ear infection.  It has not been pretty at our house lately.  She is medicated and is on the mend but her decongestant and I are about to go to war.  Unfortunately my child is in the small percentage of those children who instead of being put to sleep by antihistamines she gets wired.  Thank you doctor.  For the past five nights McKenna has chosen to sleep in about thirty minute stretches sometimes fifteen and occasionally we get an hour.  When I say we, I mean McKenna and I, just to be clear. My wonderful mother-in-law took McKenna today so I could get some sleep and thanks to that I am starting to return to the human race.  Do not worry I have forged a plan of attack against the decongestant and I am hoping tonight will be much better for McKenna and myself.  All of this has not slowed the booger down very much, she still goes about 90 miles a minute and has now discovered new areas of our house thanks to her crawling capability.  I was quite comfortable with her thinking that the living room was the only fun room in our house, but those days are long gone.  I am beginning to think my child has a high pain tolerance when she chooses to.  When she started getting sick I thought it was allergies.  We live in pine pollen country, and everyone suffers during this season.  McKenna had watery eyes and a runny nose.  That was it.  No fever, no rash, no cough, no congestion, just runny nose and watery eyes.  That being said I thought it was no big deal that she was around other children, and a baby seeing as how it just had to be allergies.  The only reason I took her to the doctor was that she was not sleeping well at night and the allergies were not getting better with the baby Claritin I was giving her.  So imagine my reaction when the doctor told me it was strep and an ear infection. Great, not only had my baby had to suffer for about three days but I had allowed her to possibly contaminate other children.  I'm up for Mom of the Year.  So for future reference a baby can have strep without a fever, without a rash, without congestion, and without a cough.  A friend of mine had a similar experience and her child's only symptom was bad breathe, McKenna did not have that one either.  Of course after her diagnosis she then got all of the symptoms except fever and bad breathe.  Oh well at least she is feeling better.  
       On a lighter note McKenna is growing in leaps and bounds. It is amazing how she changes day to day.  Sometimes the way she looks at me it is like she is just waiting on me to understand what she is trying to tell me.  I love that she tries to communicate, except of course when her choice of communication is grunting angrily and screaming!  We are working on that attitude :)  It also amazes me how I see traces of others in her personality and her looks.  There is a picture on my wall of my mother when she was little and McKenna favors her in that picture so much.  McKenna also makes all of her dad's expressions, sometimes I get a look from her and it just screams Jeff Troyer.  Then there is that fiery personality, that determination to have her way, a strong dedication to whatever task she working on, and a stubborn streak that will run you ragged, in all of this I see my brother Clint.  There is also that way that she marches to the beat of her own drum and does things in her own time, in this I see her cousin Bailey. I will have to remember to thank Clint and Bailey when I am at my wits end with my child.  I am looking forward to seeing more people show up in her as she grows up.  I hope I see her Great-Grandmother Gaston (who she is named after) show up in her in the way that mamaw always wants to take care of everybody, and doesn't know how to be selfish.  I hope I see her Great Great Granddaddy Bryant show up in her in the way that he was as generous as the day is long and would rather lose money himself than to cheat anybody. I hope I see her Great Grandpa Sommers, (whom I never met, wish I had), who I heard loved people and never met a stranger. I hope I see her Great Grandpa Troyer in the way that he was strong and steadfast in his faith and did what was right and followed God's leading even though there were struggles.  I hope I see so many people from the past and many people from the present show up in her in different ways.  It is comforting to know that while death may take people that we love from us, we will not only see them in heaven, but we can have glimpses of them in our children. 


 
Here are some glimpses of McKenna in all her glory:

loves helping with the laundry, by putting her toys in the basket.

As if to say, "I did not eat a cookie!"

Uncle Clint giving her chocolate, forever endearing him in her heart.

I believe they are plotting against me.               

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trying to understand the craziness of her aunt Lisa! (This is a Jeff look by the way, I have seen Jeff look at Lisa the same way)

Oh gotta love the booger!!!

Finding Our Way

McKenna is finding her way more and more everyday and I am enjoying playing roles in her story; sometimes I am the bystander, other times the cheerleader, then the referee, often the warden and then of course comforter. But most of all I am mommy.

    As the bystander I literally stand by and watch.  I see her process things, and witness her determination time and time again.  She can be so persistent, a quality that I think will serve her well as she grows up but seems to be her downfall these days.  I love watching her hold something new or touch something for the first time.  We took her up to the new barn that the camp has built the other day and let her play in the sawdust (don't worry moms horses had not been in there yet so it was clean sawdust).  She was amazed! She crinkled her little toes around it and smiled so big.  Then she of course dug in with her hands grabbing it; and thankfully not going for her mouth which was a miracle.  She seemed to just want to feel it and experience it.  I could not help but be a little jealous, I couldn't remember the last time I had experienced such joy with something so simple as sawdust. You have to love that about children, the innocent discovery of their world.  Everyday really and truly holds something new for them to discover.  Unfortunately, not all discoveries are good things and that is where persistence can get McKenna in trouble.  She recently discovered Jeff's phone, my journal, and the t.v. remote all things that are off limits to little hands and drooly mouths.  She goes after these things like a rabid dog, frothing at the mouth and everything (okay the froth is really just left over milk and drool but it can be quite scary).  We have started popping hands and saying no, and our child seems to comprehend because when we say no she now bursts into tears but don't let that fool you she is not giving up.  We have gone round and round even moving the objects way out of her path but when we turn our heads she then crawls after them.  We move them higher and she pulls herself up to get to them.  Now some of you may think she is too young, (she is six months old) to understand all of this.  Let me then tell you about our ordeal tonight:  I was writing in my journal which will actually be hers one day and she was playing on the floor.  I was sitting in the floor and she crawled over to me and grabbed my journal, I being the responsible adult took it out of her mouth and said no no.  She looks at me and cries.  I stand firm, repeat no one more time, then move her to the other side of the room and then go back to my side of the room and continue writing.  Next thing I know she is back on my side sitting at my feet staring at my journal.  She reaches for it but does not touch it so I say no again a little more forcefully, she once again responds by crying. I then move her again and go back to writing.  Then I look up and she is on the other side of me again staring at the journal.  This time I choose to continue writing but I move the journal farther away from her.  She then crawls over my leg and grabs the journal.  This time I pop her hand (barley flip it with my fingers) and say no.  She again cries this time with a little more passion.  I close the journal giving up all hope of ever writing in it again and try to get her interested in some toy.  I have now moved the journal far out of her reach but that will not deter my child I watch as she crawls to get close to it, I say McKenna Ruth NO.  She turns into a pile of mush crying with tears streaming down her face, but, she does not touch the journal.  She stops crying, looks at the journal again (quite longingly), I say no mam, she cries again but a little less and finally comes crawling back over to me to play with a plastic coat hanger.  So she knows what no means she just doesn't like it, but who really likes being told no.  Persistence, something I will encourage her to have in some things and beg her to give up in others.

      Being McKenna's cheerleader is one of my favorite roles.  I love encouraging her and cheering her on as she attempts new obstacles and learns new things.  As you know she now crawls and pulls herself up, she is absolutely fearless when it comes to those things. No ground goes undiscovered in our house or any house that she is welcomed into.  She is constantly testing everything around her to see if she can pull up on it.  So far we have had success with the couch, the loveseat, a babydoll bed, her crib, coffee table, mom and dad's legs.  We have not had success with the rocking chair (it rocks and hits her in the head), the carseat (same thing) memaw and babaw's reclining sofa, and her play gym (it's just not strong enough).  We are not allowed but have attempted the bathtub, changing table (while sitting on top of it), and other peoples hair (she will use anything she can get her paws on!).  I look forward to cheering and encouraging her in the future as she attempts new feats.

               Being a referee is not as much fun.  Sometimes McKenna just needs a break and most of the time she fights it.  My lovely little girl can just play and play and play and before you know it you have a very tired very fussy young lady.  At this point it is always good for the referee to jump in and call time out before the little tiger works her way into a frenzy.  For example today during church McKenna was playing with some of her toys on the pew.  Now my child is pretty familiar with these toys because they are the same toys we take to her aunt Twila's everyday when we workout.  Well another little girl on the pew decided to play with the toys too, which is completely fine.  Well, it was completely fine with me but apparently not McKenna.  McKenna reached to grab the toys out of the other little girl's hands and when I pulled McKenna back she decided to shriek at me and at the other little girl.  Shrieking that was not subsiding.  So referee mom took shrieking McKenna to the nursery for a time out where she almost immediately fell asleep. I am hoping she was shrieking due to tiredness and not an unwillingness to share, that is a battle I choose to fight another day.  

                Then there is warden mommy.  This is no fun and neither one of us like this role, but it is necessary.  Sometimes things have to be taken away, and rules have to be enforced.  I believe that anywhere you find love you will find discipline.  This was the topic of our Sunday school class discussion today.  We talked about how God disciplines us because he loves us. The same holds true in parenting.  No one wants to raise a child who cannot function in the world because they do not know the meaning of the word no.  Nor do we want our child to be harmed due to our lack of discipline.  If I could I would wrap McKenna in bubble wrap everyday before she gets out of her crib.  I want to protect her from everything that I can, and while I know that there will be things I cannot protect her from there are a lot of things that I can simply by telling her no and helping her deal with it.  Hebrews 12:11 talks about how painful discipline can be at the time but how it harvests righteousness and peace.  Who does not want that for their children.  God wants it for us.  So I think I have to look at the warden mommy role as the because I love you role.  Maybe that is what I will say when McKenna looks at me and asks why I have grounded her for life; instead of the lesser true version "This hurts me more than it hurts you" (did our parents really think we believed that, please).


              I enjoy the role of comforter.  I am shamelessly thrilled that my child wants me when she is hurt or upset.  I do not know why it makes my heart swell with joy that she has picked me as comforter but it does.  Maybe I just love that feeling of being needed.  My child NEEDS me and I want to always be there for her.  Right now it is not that hard to be there, we are pretty inseparable.  I generally handle situations where she has bumped her head or other body part that needs immediate attention, kisses, and lots of hugging.  I'm actually not looking forward to when the comforting gets harder, like when she gets picked on at school, or gets picked last for kickball, or gets called names.  Those have me shaking in my boots a little.   Then when she gets to high school and life just gets harder, I'm not looking forward to that either. Like if she doesn't make some team she has worked really hard for, or she has body image issues, or if she just plain hates school those are not easy problems to help solve.  Of course then I have college to look forward to.  The boyfriend of two years breaks up with her and she is just broken and lost, or she stays stressed about graduating and picking a career for herself, or she forgets what she believes in and struggles through hard trials, these problems are not for the faint of heart nor or they easily comforted.  Maybe I will just call my mom and ask her to remind me what she did. 


                Mommyhood is this amazing journey that I have just begun, it is not always easy even now, but it is this wonderful role that God created for me.  To put it simply I love it.  


And to her fans here she is McKenna pics:

She loves chewing on her wocket.....and her daddy.

Hitting the road.

I believe she was a little stunned by this picture:)

Remembering to be Thankful

I am a person who values her sleep.  I need to sleep, I love sleep, lets be honest other people need me to sleep.  The world is a better place if I have been able to sleep through the night.  I am sure all of the moms out there are chuckling now because as a mom sleep becomes the long lost friend.  For me, I bade farewell to sleep on September 11, 2010. Since that glorious day sleep and I have had a rocky relationship.  My child is a beautiful and precious gift from God, and I am in no way regretting her birth or existence just to be clear.  Now that being said, my child led the attack on my sleep.  She was even a little sneaky about it.  When my wonderful and amazing mom stayed with us right after McKenna was born I did not notice as much that my sleep was under attack because I was able to nap through the day, I believe this was all part of my little angel's plan.  She was great and actually slept feeding to feeding so that was three hour stretches! Yay Go McKenna!  Mom and I both felt that I had an easy baby.  Then mom left.  I was almost  immediately thrown to the wolves or in my case wolf.  I say almost because my great mother-in-law and sister-in-law both came multiple days to help me with the house stuff and let me get some naps in.  McKenna had us all fooled.  At about two weeks old my child snapped.  She no longer slept feeding to feeding; she preferred about thirty minute stretches with screaming and eating in between. This was her pattern for quite some time, about two months or so.  Now don't worry she liked to give me some false hope at times.  One stormy night Jeff and I decided that she would sleep in her bouncy seat in our room due to Tornado warnings. In our bedroom we have a tin roof, the rest of the house is shingles; this information is just so you can see the importance of the roof. So all night McKenna would be listening to the ballad of the rain.  I expected her to be worse than usual but this was not so.  She slept from about 11pm to 6:30 or 7 the next morning!  I was amazed and immediately told Jeff that we must make it rain every night and put tin over her room.  Jeff came up with a more realistic plan and rigged up a sound system in her crib that played a thunderstorm.  I thought this was a brilliant plan and went to sleep that night convinced that I was going to get a wonderful nights sleep.  About thirty minutes into my false assurance  I awoke to the sound of my child crying..... through a thunderstorm.  I wish you all could have seen the look of devastation on my face when my dreams of sleep came crashing down.  I dragged myself out of bed and went to my child totally expecting to see a smile on her face and a gotcha look.  But I saw tears.  She was just as unhappy as I was. At this point I believe I began to learn a lesson.
 My child was very very fussy for the first three months of her life, it may have been colic, it may have been tummy troubles, or it could just be that she was finding her way in the world.  Whatever it was I was constantly trying to fix her.  I worried about her, I stressed about her, I researched her (babies in general read every book there is to read), I tried to schedule her, I tried just about anything to make her better.  Then at three months she started getting better.  I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with me.  It was just her time.   It was then that I realized that through that time I had completely forgotten that I had so much to be thankful for: 
 McKenna was healthy, yes she cried a lot but the doctor said she was healthy and the child was not hurting in the weight department.  My baby loved to take a bath, had no fear of water and sometimes that is what I did to calm her down, how great was it that I had that tool.  My child ate and did it well, she never fussed about eating and took a bottle just fine.  My child would sleep in the car (except when she was freezing:(  we could almost always count on that getting us some silence from the cries.  All of these things were amazing things to be thankful for and yet I had become consumed with fixing her.  I had forgotten to be thankful. It can be so easy to focus on the problem or what I think needs fixing instead of treasuring the things that God has blessed me with. I have to choose to treasure and not to fix!




On a side note:  McKenna now sleeps through the night, has a schedule, and only cries when hurt, tired, or faced with injustices (like getting things taken away from her grabby hands or told no).  

Don't believe her I was never fussy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mckenna tell the truth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, maybe a little fussy:)

Mobile McKenna

McKenna has gone mobile, thats right she is now crawling and I am in trouble.  Already with her new found skill she managed to find two plastic baggies and then proceeded to put them in her mouth.  I must say, though that this skill while opening up new messes is much better than her previously learned skill of applying poop to my carpet.  So tonight I post pictures in honor of the booger and her latest achievement.  Enjoy the Booger:

Bright eyes

Here she goes!

Taking a break

Yummy!

Her Jeff look, "Like what is the purpose of this?"

 

Mommyhood

          I think a lot about being a mom these days.... what it means to be a mom, how to be a better mom, and my favorite:  Am I a good enough mom?  As parents I know we make mistakes, my husband and I have made our share already.  When McKenna was just about two months old we decided to go out to eat and of course we would be taking the booger with us.  Well about five minutes into the drive McKenna started crying.  Now this was not a big surprise, she was a notoriously fussy baby, thank the good Lord she outgrew that, but this time she did not stop.  We live out in the middle of nowhere and it takes thirty minutes to get to town, she cried the whole way without ceasing.  Nothing worked.  She usually would fall asleep in the car but not this time.  We decided to stop at Wal Mart to get gas drops thinking it was her stomach that was upset and I had left the drops we had at home.  Well Jeff gets out of the car and opens her door to check on her and when he touches her he realizes she is freezing!  We live in MS so it is hot here and usually still warm even in November and it was this day.  So of course we had the air conditioner on full blast and did not realize that the vent above the baby was completely open.  We were turning her into a babycicle!  I was mortified!  We immediately covered her back up with the blanket that she had kicked off then I got in the backseat with her and put her pacifier in and rubbed her little frozen cheek.  We also of course turned the air off and she went right to sleep, she slept through dinner and all the way home.  As for me and Jeff we felt horrible and did not even turn the air conditioner on when we drove home.  We decided to just sweat it out.  In that moment I felt like a pretty lousy mommy, but as I get more motherly experience under my belt I am realizing that unfortunately that will not be my only mistake, or probably not my worse one.  That being said two weeks later we drove all the way to church and realized when we got there that although McKenna was in her carseat she was not buckled in.  Wonderful.  It is days like that in which I wonder if she will ever survive her childhood.  As a mom I think you do the very best you can and you are ever conscious that it may not be good enough but you never stop trying.  I taught high school English for three years when I lived in TN and loved it.  But even with teaching I was constantly questioning my ability as a teacher.  It was then that a veteran teacher took me aside and told me that as long as I kept asking myself if I was a good enough teacher and kept trying to be better then I was a good teacher.  It is when you stop asking and caring if you are doing a good enough job that it is time to worry.  I think that can be applied to mommyhood.  God himself ordained that the best person on Earth to be McKenna's mom was me.  Humbling, Amazing, and all part of this mystery.


 The Survivor: